i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
me + whiskey = a bad person
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Randomize
