Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
