come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
