hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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