Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
