I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
