If that was your dad, he is hot
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
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