he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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