Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Randomize
