Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(541): View more from Oregon

Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.

Fav 10 4276 1850
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(815): View more from Illinois

Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan

Fav 20 8327 1969
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(309): View more from Illinois

This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.

Fav 9 2021 757
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(360): View more from Washington

I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist

Fav 12 903 2194
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(860): View more from Connecticut

I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.

Fav 3 1978 1206
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(334): View more from Alabama

i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"

Fav 7 874 1826
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(215): View more from Pennsylvania

Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.

Fav 0 1147 622
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(616): View more from Michigan

Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?

Fav 3 1655 669
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(904): View more from Florida

I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.

Fav 7 859 332
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