It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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