My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
home. puking in laundry basket.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
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