remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
I seem to have left my pride at pride
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Randomize
