I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Randomize
