And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
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