the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
Someone came in the potted fern
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
