just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
No more Irish car bombs ever.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
