just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
Randomize
