if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
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