she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
