she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
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