Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
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