We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
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