I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
