you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
Who did Billy Mays play for?
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
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