i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
Randomize
