This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
Randomize
