She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
How's work?
Spinning.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
