He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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