I think i sorta joined a cult last night
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
Randomize
