i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
I'm both gender and math confused
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
