Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Randomize
