also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Randomize
