my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
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