I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize
