i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
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