I am puke
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Randomize
