Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
