Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
Randomize
