At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
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