My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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