i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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