I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
Randomize
