somebody snuck up and got me drunk
Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
