What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
check it out our google latitudes are spooning
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
i was born a porn star she said
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Randomize
