the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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