did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
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