he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
