I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
Randomize
