I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
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