Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
we're so committed to being not committed
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Randomize
