come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
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