my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
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