so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
My vagina just recognized that song.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
