mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
