i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
