We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Randomize
