Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Randomize