Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
