Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
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