You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
