My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Randomize
