Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
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