i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
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