Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
