I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
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