For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
where are my eyebrows?
Randomize
