New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
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