I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
