my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
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