just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Randomize