Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
It's shark week go big or go home
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
