I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
