Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
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