Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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