They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
